My Thoughts About Last Year. (extra credits)

Gosh, Just a moment ago I had so many thoughts that I really wanted to write. Now, the thoughts seem to escape from my mind. What is there to say about? Being the person that I am. I have seem to just let things go way to easily. But, yet I can't stop but remember what I tried to let go of. I have thought that finally accepting me for who I am would bring me into a place where I would not be in a state where I'm sad all the time. I wish I can simply put these emotions down into words and explain to you what I really felt. I guess as human being we often tend to think that we have moved on from our mistakes, but yet we are doing that same mistake in another form that we seem not to recognize. Its almost the end of the sem. I guess I'm okay with the grades I have earned from my classes. I wished I could have done better though. It just seem that my responsibility in different clubs and organizations have demanded so much out of me. I really want to get a 4.0 this marking period so I can apply to a good Arts Universities. Sometime, I even underestimate myself and what I can really do. I'm pretty outgoing and don't like to be at home all the time. I'm more of a people's person. This year I have been very active in helping back my communities through hosting and sponsoring themed concerts. I'm currently working with the Lowell High School and AuCo Dance Company. In doing a Winter Concert in Union Square. I actually like staying busy, because it takes my mind of my personal issue that I have to deal daily. I wish that one day I wake up and these bittersweet feelings would just disappear.
Wow, I just notice that I been writing so much and didn't even know about it. Its time like this where its so great to sit down next to a cup of tea and write whats on my mind. I'm getting older and more wiser then I was before. I sometimes think to myself will I ever have a good lifestyle in the future. I asked one of my best friend, that same question. He told me something that I would not forget. He said "no one knows whats in store for you in the future. Live for today, and be mindful of tomorrow." Even, though I took his words into thought. But, I just can't stop but, keep on wondering about my life when I'm 28 or even 30. Will I find that right person?
No one knows whats its like being me. Unless they step in my shoes for the day. You don't know how hard it is, when people are actually talking behind your back, just simply because your you. Why must the world be so cruel. Why can't it accept that I want to be happy too.
I'm not saying that I'm depress and going to hurt myself. Thats just dumb. I actually love my life. Its the emotion and mental pain that I can't handle. Everyday, I try my best to put at least one smile on my face. Even when I have to force it.
I know high school is the most important time in ones life. Its when you start to finally discover who you really are as a human being. And what your skills and talent. It is also the time period where you are about to be ready to step into the "REAL WORLD". For me, I kinda feel that I have reached that level of maturity where I'm ready for the real word. I guess because of my experiences in working with adults in organizations during my whole middle and high school career. I know how to talk to people. I try my best to understand them. Ever since when I was young. I knew that I was meant to be a leader not a follower.
I'm over the fact, that when you have to change who you are to fit in. I been there, done that and bought that T-Shirt.